I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
there is glitter all over my balls
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