# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
