i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
