a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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