im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
