new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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