my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
