based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
