Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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