I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
