I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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