I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
