Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
