i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
