hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
