So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
