There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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