I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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