there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
