In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
