So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
