you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're a waste of cheezeits
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
