Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
