i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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