Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
