My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize