How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
