u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
