If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
