If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
