He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
