you traded sex for a burrito?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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