I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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