I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
