can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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