if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
