i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
