these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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