so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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