Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
