i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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