I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
