Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
