even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
