You made me cry and you don't even care
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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