I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
