i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
