My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need water and some morals
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
