I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
