A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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