when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
