i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
