tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
