After last night, I could never be a politician.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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