why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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