doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
