i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
