I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
