Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
