I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize