you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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