my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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