The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
