also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
