i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
