I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
