I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
