Soap is not a condiment
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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