She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
