Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
