summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
