he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
