then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
