There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
