You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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