I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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