this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
