She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
