Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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